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The man sitting next to me reading the Times
Reason: As I was riding the tube into work this morning I suddenly heard a strange buzzing sound coming from my left. I snuck a discrete glance in that direction and saw that the man sitting next to me was cooling his face with a little hand held fan. Just why this made me immediately mark him for an excrutiating death I can't exactly say (death tube is a fickle mistress who can strike without the least of warnings), but I'd certainly like to blame him and his diminutive fan for me forgetting to change at kennington. Yes it's clearly all his fault for making me concentrate so hard on his untimely demise that I missed my stop. He deserves everything he gets.
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To date 46 Comment(s)
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(30.6.05 10:07)
Chop him up with his own fan. Its no more than he deserves
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(30.6.05 10:07)
I saw someone on the train a few days ago with a hand-held fan. She looked so bloody smug while the rest of us (me) boiled. Is that why you hated yours, too?
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(30.6.05 10:11)
queener - that could be it. Either that or somewhere in my genes there is a primal instinct to hate people with very small cooling devices. Whenever I see one of those mini fridges I go into a killing frenzy.
dippy - I remember sticking my finger in a hand held fan as a child and being very disappointed it didn't get cut off. So I think your plan could take a rather long time.
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(30.6.05 11:01)
They're fine as long as they're not very small ones.
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(30.6.05 11:20)
Yeah you tell him Bab..really you could've just moved closer to benefit from the fan,could you not?Xx
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(30.6.05 11:22)
Yes, I'm sure if I'd put my face right next to his it would have done a lot to aid inter-passenger relations.
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(30.6.05 11:30)
Oh I suppose you actually wanted to be his best friend then, (you chicken).
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(30.6.05 11:31)
You think I should have just punched him in the nose and stolen his fan?
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(30.6.05 11:35)
amy - I can imagine us sitting there now - cheek to cheek, with our hair streaming out behind us... it could ave been the start of a beautiful relationship.
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(30.6.05 11:45)
If the punchline is 'ok - I think you're really really great!', then no.
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(30.6.05 11:47)
and break the habit of a lifetime by being nice to someone - even in jest? Not a chance. No, I'm offering you the chance to look like that ponce on the train.
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(30.6.05 11:49)
I think if I used it on the train I would have to commit seppuku. It's the only honourable thing to do.
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(30.6.05 11:53)
Isnt that the point Baboon. As a mad psychotic death train killer, you are meant to savour the time it takes to kill the victim. So a hand held fan can keep you psychotically happy for months or even years.
Mind you I am sure the victim might become bored before you do :-)
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(30.6.05 11:54)
I think old age would probably finish him off quikcer than I could. I'd probably be better off beating him to death with it.
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(30.6.05 11:55)
You don't have much hair so unless he had alot i just can't picture that!Would've been nice though.lol
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(30.6.05 12:09)
stick it up his bum - ha ha! Then he could beetle about town under the power of his own fan. With a luittle whirring noise, he would pull up next to you in the tube station, whirring on quietly in circles (as he must be constantly propelled by it) until his train arrives. Then a tip of the hat to you and on he whirrs with his journey!
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(30.6.05 12:13)
That's quite an image. Atleast he's a gent. But how does he get new batteries in?
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(30.6.05 13:04)
It's all very well distracting us with tales of fans- where are your knees?
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(30.6.05 14:12)
I'm not trying to distract you I'm just... OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOU??
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(30.6.05 14:46)
The other day I was at the store, and they had these little "personal cooling devices", which were one of those little fan things...but you put cool water in it, so you were refreshed by this cooling mist. I actually saw this dullard looking man purchase one. I then spent the next few minutes, trying to figure out how I could get some scalding water in there. Just to mix it up a little for him, of course. tee hee hee.
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(30.6.05 14:49)
How about a fine cooling mist ... of super concentrated sulphuric acid?
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(30.6.05 14:51)
midders - But I couldn't possibly compete with Pete's manly apendages.
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(30.6.05 14:54)
wouldn't regular strength sulphuric acid be just as effective?
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(30.6.05 15:28)
Ah ha! Evidence of a McDonald's enriched mid-life.....
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(30.6.05 15:42)
Well now I'm feeling far too dizzy to show my knees.
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(30.6.05 15:46)
OJ - I noticed you've made your knees smaller. Good trick. I don't have a camera phone so I'm afraid you'll have to wait.
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(30.6.05 15:55)
Where did you get that photo from? Have you been sneaking into my house?
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(30.6.05 16:27)
your new flatmate let me in...hope you don't mind.
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(30.6.05 16:30)
She told me she had taken lots of pictures while he was sleeping. She then went back to stirring the bunny.
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(30.6.05 16:32)
I was wondering who'd been in my room and tried on all my clothes...
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